David Gonos

While you indulge in your Big Texas Cinnamon Roll (winner of Pastry of the Year in 2003, 2004 and 2006) along with your second cup of mediocre office coffee, here's what you need to know happened this weekend while you were taking your son and daughter to Little League and ballet practice (not necessarily in that order):

1. Managers are playing, "Which shell has the closer under it?" screwing up Fantasy teams in Mike Shanahan-like fashion everywhere: This time it's Jason Isringhausen and Eric Gagne getting the hooks for their respective clubs. So Brian Shouse gets a one-out save, helped by Salomon Torres, and Ryan Franklin trades in holds for saves and 6x6 owners are beside themselves. Once again, the closer position ruins many a-team if their draft picks weren't spent wisely. Even Jon Papelbon has a couple blown saves in the past week or so.
2. San Antonio, Los Angeles, Utah and New Orleans are all tied up at 2-2-2-2: Kobe plays through a back injury, yet Sunday's OT loss likely hurts a little more this morning.
3. O.J. Mayo might have received money and gifts in high school before coming to USC: Also filed under "Really? You think?" -- Fantasy writers might have eaten more donuts than they should have this weekend, someone might have looked twice at Amber Wilson, and my bank account is very low.
4. Manny Ramirez didn't start Sunday off to rest a sore hamstring: The rumors that this happened while legging out one of his famous one-base doubles are unfounded.
5. Dan Uggla wins Player of the Weekend: The Marlins stocky second baseman, picked up off of the Rule V Draft from Arizona a couple years ago, smashed three homers and knocked in seven runs (while batting .500) in a three-game series at Washington.
6. Boomer Wells thinks he can help the Yankees: Apparently, the Yankees saw Wells pitch with the Padres and Dodgers last season. So much for that plan. And for the record, I doubt Wells could help our softball team (playoffs Wednesday, baby!)
7. Dave Richard's streak is OVER at nine: With a chance at being funny for 10 days in a row, and getting his sign taken down in my cube, Richard choked and couldn't come up with a funny on Friday. The counter resets to zero this afternoon.
8. Deron Williams, it's pronounced DARRin according to Sergio Gonzalez, is in great company: With four playoff games of 20-plus points and 10 or more assists, the Jazz point guard is second only to John Stockton with six career 20-10 playoff games. What's in the water in Utah that makes people wanna help others? I need to find a Mormon mechanic.
9. Vernon Wells leaves my Tout Wars team for 6-8 weeks with a wrist injury: The Jays were thinking ahead when they obtained Brad Wilkerson, Kevin Mench and Dane Iorg on Friday. Meanwhile, my Tout team's offensive lead will begin to dwindle away, as I expected it would after a great start.
10. The Tampa Bay Rays have a 9-game winning streak at The Trop: From the incessant cowbell ringing, to the annoying "G-rated heckler," to the din of playing baseball in your grandpa's carport, the Rays have swept the Red Sox, Blue Jays and now the Angels in three straight series at home.
11. Parvati upsets Amanda in Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites finale: So much for seeing Parvati in Playboy anytime soon.